If Only.....What If

If only.... What if....

Have you ever had thoughts like these? What if I had gone to  college? Or moved to a different city? If only I had followed up on that one business opportunity, or joined that one group. What might my life have been like then? Would I have been happier? Wealthier? Healthier? I think all of us have a tendency to look back and wonder what might have been, if only I had done _________ (fill in the blank).

However, I like to think I have been fairly successful in looking to the future instead of the past. When it comes time to make a decision, any decision, I tell myself to make the best choice (or what I think is the best choice) at that moment in my life, and move on. Do not look back. This reasoning has kept me fairly sane throughout my life. (Please don't ask my sisters if I am reasonably sane; they could give you a different answer.)

Anyway, I think that this kind of logic is what makes it hard for me to read a book like

Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine, and the Murder of a President, by Candice Millard. Because this book is about a local man—Garfield's home was, and still is, in Mentor—I had to read it. is a very well-written and compelling book about the assassination of President James A. Garfield.  It intertwines the life and death of Garfield with inventions by Alexander Graham Bell and discoveries by the French scientist Joseph Lister. Although the book was very good, I had a hard time reading it because it concentrated a lot on What If... and If Only, making me a bit depressed about what might have been. But if you like history and/ or biography, you will want to read this book. It gives us a picture of a man who would have made a great difference in this country, if only he had lived to serve out his term, or terms, as President.

Chaos in the Home

Chaos reigned at my house yesterday, and I loved it!

My granddaughter, Heather, and her two sons came over in the morning to make nisu. Nisu is the old name for the Finnish sweet biscuit now called pulla; and I have been making it once or twice a year, using my Mumma's recipe, since I was a teenager. While Heather and I were working, Den was hauling boxes of Christmas decorations down from the attic, and trying to keep an eye on Peyton, who had to make sure everything in the house was in exactly the same place as the last time he visited, which was about a week earlier.

Heather put on Christmas music while we worked; we needed to get in the Christmas spirit. Just as we finished kneading the dough and putting it to rise for the first time, my daughter-in-law Beth came in. She and Heather, with Peyton's sporadic help, decorated the tree and managed to make the house a bit more festive.

Heather and I then added the eggs to the nisu dough, more flour, and kneaded well; and put it to rise, once more, behind the wood burner. Next, Peyton, Landon, and I decided there was just time for a quick swim before the nisu needed to be braided and put in the pans. Actually, Peyton decided and I just went along to hold Landon. Soon Landon and I were done in the pool, so we dried off and got dressed. Peyton stayed in the pool a while longer, with Paappa on guard. 

Unfortunately, Peyton didn't stay in the pool long enough; he had to help with the nisu dough braiding, which took no time at all. After rising for the third time, the nisu was ready to bake. By now, son Adam had shown up, bearing takeout salad and sandwiches. Assorted drinks - coffee, milk, and water - were gotten, and butter taken out of the refrigerator. 

With Heather baking pan after pan of nisu, and the rest of us trying to find room in our small house for drinks, toys, dogs, plates, babies, and napkins, we were ready for fresh, hot biscuit. The girls had done a great job; it was delicious!

Somehow, we had managed to get everything done. The dogs were fed, Landon had a nice long nap, Peyton played and worked as hard as only a three-year-old can, the tree and house got decorated, everyone got fed, and there was nisu for everyone for Christmas. What a wonderful day! Thank you all.

TIME

Time. Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Tenth Edition defines "time" as "the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues: Duration." It does not say that time is a variable. An hour is an hour is an hour.

Why then does time seem to change so much? Time moves so much faster these days than ever before. The time it used to take me to wrap a present just a few years ago was measured in minutes. Now it could be an hour. Cleaning the house takes a lot longer than it used to, and I may not even do as good a job (don't tell, please). It even takes me longer to get moving in the morning - longer to get out of bed, get dressed, have that first cup of coffee, etc. Sometimes it is close to noon before Den and I have finished breakfast. And those of you who know me, please don't say it's because I like to stay up into the wee hours so can't get out of bed at a decent hour. Even if I'm up by 8:30 or 9:00 AM, it's still noon before I'm really moving. And I do a lot of things after you have probably gone to sleep. Ironing, baking, shopping, knitting, reading are all late night activities. Of course, they take more time than they used to.

Conversely, time doesn't seem as important as it once did. If I don't get something done this morning, or this afternoon, or even today, what does it matter? There's always tomorrow. I like to think this is not because I have gotten a bit lazier, but that I am more flexible, that I don't need to be as regimented or as rigidly organized as before. But then, I don't get as much done as I used to. I hate to think this is all a part of getting older. It is hard to think that I am now old; I still expect to see the 35-or 40-year-old career woman when I look in the mirror, not the old lady that looks back at me. Sometimes it even takes a while to remember how lucky I am to have had all this time.

I'm not sure where I am going with this, or what the purpose of this musing about time serves. All I know is that the more time passes, the fewer are the hours in a day. I never seem to get everything done in one day that I have planned. But never mind; it doesn't matter.

The Debate Last Night

Did I miss something in the debate last night? Why didn't President Obama call out Governor Romney on one of his comments? Did I not hear what I thought I heard?

Gov. Romney said, or I thought he said, that he would eliminate the tax on dividends, interest, and capital gains.

My question is, Who has this kind of income? Most of the working poor and the middle class have little, if any, stocks, bonds, or even savings. If we have any at all, it is most likely to be inside our retirement funds, and thus not normally taxable until it is taken out. Even then, we are usually taxed on what is taken out of the retirement account (unless we have a Roth IRA, which has been taxed before being put into the Roth), regardless of how it came to be in the retirement account. Doesn't matter if it was put in as principal, or earned as interest, dividends, or capital gains. We will, most commonly, pay tax on the whole distribution at our normal tax rate, whatever that might be.

The wealthy are the only people who have enough savings, stocks and bonds, etc. to really have a lot of dividends, capital gains, or interest that would make a difference in their yearly taxable income. You and I might have some savings that would generate a few hundred dollars a year in interest, if we are lucky and have been thrifty. But only the top 5% or 10% would have enough to increase their tax bill.

Convince me that this is not a tax cut for the wealthy. I think Gov. Romney is trying to fool a lot of people, including the middle class.

Politics Not as Usual, or Some Things Never change

I do not understand how  or why anyone would want to legislate something that is none of their business (like a woman's choice to have a child, or even to use birth control), something that is patently false (like Thomas Jefferson not having much of an impact on the founding of this country), or something totally idiotic (like  telling schools they cannot teach "higher order thinking skills..."). 

What is wrong with us? Have our citizens been dumbed down enough (by TV, newspapers, and other sources of news, or what passes for news today) not to care what is happening in our country? Can we no longer think for ourselves, or must we all be mindless ditto heads, who believe something just because it is said by someone who can shout louder that someone else.

I know people think I am a bit left of center (don't believe in capital punishment, believe in a woman's right to control her own body, think at least some drugs should be legalized), but I have always thought of myself as mostly moderate. I think that some people have lately been, not just leaning to the right, but running that way. Now we hear that our Republican congressman, Steve LaTourette, has decided not to run for Congress again. His reason? The people in Congress today are totally unable to work together; no one seems to have heard of the word compromise. This saddens me, even though I did not vote for Mr. LaTourette. Or maybe I should be glad, because if even this moderate Republican can see that Congress is a laughingstock, there may be some hope. Could his resignation trigger some introspection and maybe even realization that we must work together or our problems will overcome us, instead of the other way around? It's worth thinking about.

Donations, Contributions, Etc.

Every day, the mail brings at least one new request for a donation. Most of these requests support good causes: policies that need to be heard, children that need medical help, animals that need homes, people that need to be fed. There are also the political requests for support: Democrats, Republicans, groups supporting abortion rights, groups against choice, supporters of private schools, supporters of religious freedom, opposers of religious freedom, people against immigration -  it goes on and on.

How do you decide where you want to send your hard earned dollars? Do you have a favorite charity? Or do you throw most of the requests away until you finally start feeling guilty, then donate to the next one that comes in the mail? I have decided that there are only so many causes I can support, so I have set some (arbitrary) rules.

I don't give donations over the phone - no credit card numbers, no promises, nothing. I don't respond to random mailings, no matter how much the stories may appeal to me. I give only to a few causes that I know are worthwhile, and most of these are local. I'm not saying that other causes aren't worthwhile, because a lot of them are, especially in this election year when it seems that a lot of people want to invade our privacy and take away our rights. Especially hard hit this year are women, who could literally be fighting for their lives.

The choice of which charities or political ideologies to support is a tough one. But it must be made. After all, if I give too much, someone will then have to support me!

Reflections, Not Remembrances

Having just celebrated another birthday, I was tempted to reminisce a bit on the past. But the past is the past, and I try not to look that way too often.

Do I feel old? Sometimes. I know I don't do things like chores as fast as I once did, and maybe that's because I don't have as many deadlines as I once had, and not because I'm slowing down. I do know that the older I get, the more things get crossed off my bucket list, and not necessarily because I have done them. Some things I no longer have the desire to try, like sky diving. How could I have actually wanted to do that? And zip lining is fast going the way of sky diving. Has my sense of adventure disappeared or has common sense taken over?

Then there are the new things that have appeared in my life, like Finnish language lessons. I know I will never learn enough to really carry on a conversation in that language with a native speaker, but I love the sound of the words; and maybe, just maybe, I can pick up a few words here and there. Music has always been one of the staples in my life, and that is not changing. I now have a new kantele (thanks, Larry), and am contemplating getting Mom's banjo out of the attic and possibly taking lessons. Reading is one of my passions; now I have time to read a greater variety of books than I ever did before, although I know I will never get everything read that I would like to. I have also learned a few new skills - a bit of drawing, knitting, crocheting, quilting (that is a very questionable skill), and both ballroom and swing dancing.

I believe the real secret to not feeling old, or being old, or feeling sorry for yourself, is to never look back.  You cannot change the past. I learned a long time ago that you make the best choice you can at the time, then move on. You can only change the future, and what you choose to do with your future is up to you.

Comments on a Recently read Book

I just finished reading The Post-American World | Release 2.0  by Fareed Zakaria (thanks for the recommendation, VBob). Written in understandable language, it is timely and eye-opening, as well as offering hope for the future of the United States.

The U.S. will be the world's only super power for a while yet, but other countries will continue to move up the ladder. We, as Americans, need to recognize that we live in a global society, and we only harm ourselves if we think we can pull back into an isolationist shell. We need to reach out to the rest of the world, not only with guns and aide, but with openness and understanding.

Most of the world's developing and developed countries are more or less closed societies, that are not replacing the population as it ages. The U.S. has always attracted people from other countries; we have a vibrant and growing (and young) work force.  This gives us a tremendous advantage over other countries. The U.S. has always welcomed people trying to better themselves, or looking for religious or political freedom, and we shouldn't close our doors now.

Besides, someone has to pay for my Social Security benefits.

Old Fashioned Humor

How many of you have ever seen, or even heard of, the George Burns and Gracie Allen Show? It was on television back in the dark ages—the 1950s, I think. Since Den and I don't have cable TV, we are limited to programs we can get via an on-the-roof antenna, which means we are pretty well limited. We do have something called EyeTV loaded on both our computers through which we can record shows that we don't have time to watch. You'd think that with only a few channels, we would never find anything to record, but you'd be wrong. We have enough shows recorded to last us several weeks, even if we don't record anything else. I should clarify that we don't watch TV on the computer, but on the TV, just like everyone else. It's just that our channel selection is limited.

To get back on track: One of the stations we can pick up through our antenna is WJW, channel 8.2, called Antenna TV. And every night, late, this channel shows two back to back episodes of Burns and Allen. It is the funniest program on TV. And it doesn't use profanity, drugs, or sex to be funny. When I say funny, I mean, laugh out loud in your own living room, funny. Gracie Allen's timing is impeccable, as is her self-expression. She is never confused, but everyone else usually is.

I love this show! It is the last thing I watch before bed every night, and I usually get a good night's sleep. If you ever get a chance to watch Burns and Allen, take it. You won't regret it.

Good Music; Good Book

Whether or not this feeling I have right now will last, it is currently strong enough that I have to write something about it.

Den put a CD by Odetta on the stereo to test one of his tubes, or speakers, or something else I don't understand, but it is simply a wonderful CD, brought to our attention by a good friend, Laurie, who knows the kind of music I like. The title is One Grain of Sand, and was first recorded in1963.

Maybe it is because I am reading a book about race relations in the South in the late '60s and early '70s that  this music seems so powerful right now, or maybe not. The book is Blood Done Signed My Name, by Timothy Tyson, and is really good—reads like a novel, but is a true story written by the son of a white Methodist minister who served a white congregation in North Carolina. I am half-way through the book; it is a very powerful story about the murder of a young black man in Oxford, N.C., how race relations were changing, and how the changes came about. Having grown up in the North, I had no idea how oppressed African Americans had become, and still were, in the 20th century. It seems there was more equality right after the Civil War than there was when the Civil Rights Acts of 1964 and 1968 were passed.

Reading this book, and listening to this CD at this particular point in the reading (just past half-way), has made me wonder where I was when all this going on. Why wasn't I more aware? Why didn't I do something? Of course, I knew about the marches, the assassinations, the bombings; but they did not seem as real to me then as this story does now. I'm not sure anything will be changed by discovering something I didn't know 45 or 50 years ago, but maybe there is some value in hindsight.

The Healing Power of Time

The last seven months have been very distressing for me and for my family. However, it seems to be true that time does heal, or at least covers over, the worst of the horribly aching feelings that have invaded my whole being. I have to admit that I am reluctant even now to write about the depth of my feelings; they are very hard, if not impossible, to put into words. These feelings are much too emotional to talk about, but they have to come out somehow, so here they are.

The worst thing that you could imagine happening, happened on August 29, 2011. Our niece was murdered by her boyfriend. I know murders happen much too frequently; but it doesn't happen to someone you know, much less to someone in your family. It hurts way too much to talk about, even to those you love, and who loved and knew the person who was killed. But I know that my sister-in-law needs to talk about her beautiful daughter, needs to know that others share her pain (although we do not feel it as deeply as she does), needs to know that we, too, will never forget. But I find myself unable to speak for fear of saying the wrong thing; I am afraid of hurting her more deeply than she has already been hurt, even though I know that is impossible.  Maybe writing about this will make it a bit easier for me to help her, for her to know that I am here if she needs me.

Politics Again (Can't Help Myself)

Is the 1% taking over, state by state? I know I have said I would try to steer clear of politics in these blogs, but I just read an article by the investigative journalist Jane Mayer that has so upset me that I have to speak out somewhere, and here is as good a place as any.

Perhaps the scariest result of the Supreme Court striking down limits on corporate campaign spending is now being felt in North Carolina. One man, James Arthur (Art) Pope appears to be on a tear to take over the state and turn it into his private fiefdom, and a stronghold for very conservative Republicans. An article in the October 10, 2011, issue of The New Yorker magazine (I really need to catch up on my reading) examines how this one man seemingly has the clout and the dollars to stir up racism, hatred among political groups, and reductions in state funding for higher education.

According to the article, Pope and others believe that the state has no obligation to take care of its citizens; this should be left to the private sector.  Pope is chairman and CEO of Variety Wholesalers, a discount store chain. He has been known to complain that having to pay his employees minimum wage has hurt those people who could be hired for less money.

What this man, and others like him, are doing to this country is terrible. It seems they are trying to turn it into their own private dominion. And we seem powerless to stop them.

I cannot begin to delineate the horrors this man and the groups he supports have unleashed on NC, but if you care to read about it yourself here is link: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/10/10/111010fa_fact_mayer

Chardon School Tragedy

"A third student has died." These words on Tuesday hit me like a blow to my heart. How could this be? How could even one student be dead? This was in Chardon, practically right next door. My thoughts immediately turned to the murder of my niece this last summer. She was older than these students from Chardon, but she was still so young, and her life was cut tragically short. So I know it happens. Why, then, does this new catastrophe hurt and shock so much?

Three students have died, one is still in the hospital, and one has been released from the hospital. How could this have happened here? Why does this happen at all? How does our society and lifestyle contribute to this, if at all? Or have there always been troubled kids, but they haven't had the means to act out so violently? How do we keep our kids safe from such violence? And from committing such violence? Is it even possible?

The big question—should guns be banned? I don't think so. There would then be as much illegal trafficking in guns as there is in drugs. We have to do the best we can in providing kids with safe places and in recognizing and helping kids who need help.

The killer did not kill himself, and is in custody. Maybe if they (whoever they are) can talk to him, they can begin to understand why someone, especially a young person, would do this. Does it have anything to do with the fact that a teenager's brain isn't fully developed yet? Is there something in a young person's lifestyle we should be watching for? If the family did not have guns would it have made a difference? We will never know. We can only hurt for the families who have lost so much, for the students who will never forget, for the teachers trying to deal with the aftermath, and for the community that has lost so much.

Weight and Diet

Can you tell it's winter even without looking outside or at a calendar? I can. My weight is starting to creep up where it shouldn't go. It seems that every winter I put on two, three, or more pounds. Last winter was the worst; I weighed more a year ago than I did when I was nine months pregnant! At least, I took off a few pounds this last spring and summer, so I feel better. I was even, for a short time, down below my pregnant weight.

But that was last year and this is now. The weight is starting to get out of hand again. I know I have no will power; I especially love cookies. And chocolate, of course. And I like to bake. Last week I made a batch of meringue cookies (they can't be bad for you; they're mostly air) and some monkey bread. And I ate them, with help. This week, Den made hot butterscotch sauce and poured it over vanilla ice cream. He didn't put any whipped cream on top, and it was delicious; but just think how good it would have been with whipped cream!

We have also been indulging in mac and cheese, tomato cheese soup, and clam chowder; all home made. Don't laugh, but one of my favorite meals is a guacamole burger from Steak and Shake. I can't imagine there would be many calories in that. Then there is the nisu at the coffee shop at the Finnish Heritage Museum. How can we go there and not have nisu?

I'm sure you know where this is going. Too much food, too many treats, not enough exercise; it's diet time again. I had better get back on The 17 Day Diet, and fast. Now where did I put that book?

Time for Reading

Does anyone else have stacks of unread magazines? And shelves of unread books? Yesterday, I actually had the urge to sweep the magazines off the dresser where they are stacked and just get rid of all of them. When that thought went through my head, I panicked. I had never before wanted to get rid of any reading material, especially if I hadn't read it. Don't get me wrong; when I finish a magazine, it usually goes in the recycle pile, unless I know someone else would like to look at it.

Books, that's different. It's only lately that I've been able to pass on books to others, or to give them to the library or even the Salvation Army. Books have been my reason for being, or, at the least, very important to me. But now, when I look around the house and see the hundreds of books and dozens of magazines, I see clutter. I have been able to curb the urge to buy a lot of books because the library makes them so available. If Mentor Public Library doesn't have the book I want, chances are I can find it through Search Ohio. Only if I cannot find it there do I consider looking on the internet to buy. That way, I tell myself, I am at least not adding to the book clutter that has taken over my house.

Back to the magazines. I know the solution is easy - just don't renew them. Then I stop to think; I have to renew The Week, it's great for keeping me up to date on what's going on in the country and the world (if only I were up to date on reading it). And what about the Atlantic, Alfred Hitchcock Magazine, and a few others? Don't I legitimately need them to study what kind of stories they publish? Then there are a couple of dog magazines that I can't quit because, well, because they're about dogs. And the writing magazines, their content is about writing! I do think that I won't renew The New York Review of Books, because I have no trouble finding books to read. So there is at least one magazine gone, I think.