One of the numerous problems I have, and have always had, is that I expect everything I do to be perfect. If it isn't, then, by definition, I have failed. I know I am not perfect, not even close, but I cannot get it out of my head that the things I try to do have to be absolutely right.
The latest example of this is knitting. I am attempting to learn how to knit and crochet, and right now I am working on a knitted vest. It goes without saying that I have made a lot of errors while knitting the back of the vest, but my sister has helped me to make it come out right. Now I am working on the front. The left front actually came out well, but the right front -- not so much. I know I can do it, but I know there will be mistakes and that I will have to live with them.
This may seem trivial to someone else, but it is just an extension of how I have always felt. I have always been competitive, but it has been just recently that I have realized it. How could I have not seen this before? Looking back, I now realize that this competitiveness drove me to make a lot of the choices I made as far back as high school, and maybe even before that.
On the other hand, being competitive, and having to be correct, may have helped in making me as successful as I was in my career. This late in life, however, I don't care about being the best at something, and I'm trying not to get too upset if what I do isn't perfect, I just want to enjoy life. Maybe I'll even finish the quilt my grandmother started 70 years ago.
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